Happy 2007

To my family and friends, those in my life and not, Happy New Year. I love you all and wish you the best in 2007. I'm praying it's a joyful, love-filled, God-filled year for you all. You are my treasures. -R

don't i know you?

I just got back from a quick trip to Menards (had to pick up some lightbulbs and tile). As I'm standing in line (wondering why there's only one register open at closing) a guy gets in line behind me and comments on how there's only one register open. I half-turn around as I agree with him that it's crazy and as I turn back I think "gosh, i know that guy." I had no idea what his name was, where I knew him from, or when the last time i saw him was. He did the same pause/reaction of possible recognition, but then another register opened and I quickly switched lines. As I waited for my friendly Menards clerk to ring up my purchases, I glance back at the other register in an attempt to determine who this guy was. He was glancing my way as well. I paused on the thought that maybe it was this older brother of a woman i worked with at northwestern bookstore and attended sunshine with about eight years ago, but then quickly moved on when this guy didn't fit with the mental image of this woman's brother in a Larry the Cucumber tshirt. And then I left.

During all of the over-detailed story above, it occurred to me that I've lived in minneapolis for so long and been so open to interacting with and meeting random, new people - that there are probably close to hundreds of people wandering this city that i've had conversations with but could never positively identify again. I find that odd, unnerving, and a bit frightening. I know there are 6 billion people wandering around this globe, but sometimes it feels like the world is so ridiculously small that evenutally I'll run out of new people to meet. Is it a symptom of living in a bubble, or is it just indicitive of Minnesota and the fact that people never really leave?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, seasons greetings, happy holidays. :o)

It seems, each year, as though the holidays sneak up on me more and more. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older or because I'm no longer spending my days working retail and seeing the decorations begin around halloween...but I'm always suprised that Christmas is...Tomorrow. This year I was able to get the majority of my shopping done early (note to readers, stores/mall areas are MUCH less crowded on christmas eve) and just need to wrap everything up and head to the parents' today/tomorrow.

It seems the holidays are a time that make me pause and consider that I still feel as though I am straddling childhood and adult-life. I have the responsibilities of an adult but I feel about as responsible as a child. My family will attempt to pretend nothing has changed since we were elementary school-aged, but the differences will be there.

I don't know what my point is. Aren't the holidays the time to be melancholy (actually, that's a myth, but still)? Pensive, reflective, melancholy. Ah well, maybe it's meant for the New Year's.

In other news (as I procrastinate the gift wrapping), church today was really good. My pastor, amazing as he always is, noted that Jesus was born of a woman. You might not think this is revolutionary...but he tied it back to Genesis where God is speaking to the serpent and says he will place animocity between the serpant and the woman. Just intense that you can tie the virgin birth back to the beginning of time.

Anyway, Merry Christmas. May God bless you with a spirit of Joy this holiday season.
Love.

standing at my door

Someone just rang my doorbell. I didn't answer. So they rang it again. And again. And again.

Here's the question of the day. If I didn't answer on the first, or even the second ring, what makes people think I'm going to answer the door on the third or fourth ring? And answer it without any malice or anger? I mean, seriously people. If I don't know you, I'm not coming to the door (especially for two men, thankyouverymuch). And if you ring my doorbell (which I loathe) FOUR or FIVE times, you don't WANT me coming to the door.

Thank you.
(maybe i should get one of those "no solicitors" signs...but they seem so unfriendly....) ;o)

Collecting Updates

Hello hello hello!

Time to be random!

So, at work, I'm working on a project. We do this cool thing at my company where we name our projects. Because my group consists of 80s children, we decided to name our group Project Oregon Trail. If you spent your middle school years under a rock, here's a link to help you join your generation: http://www.virtualapple.org/oregontraildisk.html
(ps, apparently, dysentery is bloody diarrhea)

In other news, http://60minutes.yahoo.com/segment/21/memory_drug. Apparently, it's going to be the new thing to erase painful memories. Can't you just hear a bunch of therapists screaming? I thought the whole trend was to UN-repress those memories so we can grow into healthy, whole, human beings. I haven't argued through this yet, but my initial reaction is to say that who I am today is a compilation of everything I've experienced and that erasing/repressing portions of my past can only mean I'm erasing parts of who I am today. Or….I suppose, that could be possitive if your person today is adversely affected by your past….but then doesn't it all get into people choosing the way in which they react to situations in life? Oftentimes, I feel, our only choice is how we react to life.

ATMs.
Here's the news: http://adage.com/article?article_id=113384 (summary - As the ATM has become a ubiquitous presence throughout U.S. culture, its users have been recognized as a massive and fertile audience. Its screen has increasingly been exploited to broadcast ads and various sorts of third-party direct-sales product and service offers. But those campaigns for things such as postage stamps and movie tickets have also tended to slow the machine that was originally designed to provide consumers with virtually instant access to their money on a 24/7 basis. Last week, in a move designed to outflank its competitors, JPMorgan Chase launched a campaign for its QuickChoice ATM service, which has eliminated ads and sales clutter in order to complete cash transactions in as little as 24 seconds.)
Here's the question: Do you think JPMorgan Chase is correct -- that most consumers value speed over any other aspect of an ATM transaction? Or do you think the financial-services company is making a mistake as it circumvents a potentially lucrative venue for reaching its audience of bank-account owners with relevant ads and direct-sales offers?

And in less "this is what I think about" type of commentary, here's my lovely start to the day….

This morning, I had to go and get gas. I clicked the pump so that I didn't have to stand there and hold the pump while it filled my car. It's filling, and filling, and filling….I'm watching the gallons go up and as it's getting past 14 gallons I was thinking that my car must have REALLY been on empty….and then I look down and gas is POURING out of car because it didn't click off when it sensed my tank was full!! HUGE puddle.

I go into the gas station to talk to the guy….and of course he does not understand English. I try and tell him that the gas didn't stop and he understands me to mean the gas won't start. No, I say, and try and clarify that there was too MUCH gas and it didn't stop. He asks if I want money back. I say no (I kinda did though) and again try and explain that there was a HUGE puddle of gas under my car and the whole place is liable to blow up when I start my car. Don't worry he says…we'll get it later.

It was a huge fiasco. Luckily I didn't blow the place up, but all I could think was that I was going to explode like in Zoolander ("In other headlines today, a woman was blown up at her neighborhood gas station when she started her car after spilling a gallon of gas…what WAS she thinking??"). Or someone later today will since the guy isn't going to fix the pump. AND NOW I SMELL LIKE GASOLINE! Grrrr.

So, Monday, how I love thee.
Time for more work, woohoo.
OUT!

long lost friends

I wasn't going to post about my birthday, but wow. The meaning of it has changed so much. I look back to times in college when it was all about planning a party and deciding where to eat and what to do and who to invite. Somehow, over the past few years, it morphed into what it is today: I don't really have any excitement for planning something, I just want to take this one day to reconnect with friends who have moved all over the globe. I need to be better about commemorating my friends' birthdays like they do mine. I just received an e-card from a guy I served tables with five years ago. He's in Brazil (and the small world that it is, he ran into my college roommate who's in Brazil as well)…but the last time I actually saw him, face to face, was probably three years ago. I got a note from a friend I haven't seen since 1997, a note from a different friend who I just saw again last month for the first time in two years or so…and so it goes.

I think it makes me realize that we're not just passing through this world, we're making connections and building relationships. And I am completely, totally, and clearly blessed by each person I've encountered. You all are amazing and I love you each, completely.

Assumptions

Okay, so my anonymous commenter labeled me as emotional, something this blog isn't supposed to be. Bottom line, I just get tired of people. Maybe I should have labeled the entry something about blame and responsibility. If you feel like someone isn't being real with you, why is it always not your fault. I tend to go too far in the direction of taking responsibility for everything....hmmm, that person and I don't get along...what do I need to change about me to fix that.

I guess, assumptions/labels/easy stop points of evaluation just drain me. For real, sit back, it's all been done before. Be real, be honest, be open, be love. And if everyone did that, no one would have to try and be careful about who they share life with so they don't get hurt.

One of the comments on this post said something about liking not being understood. I love being understood and I have a great group of people who absolutely get who I am....i get more frustrated when people take a few facts and assume they know me....and then find out that they don't...and get upset. Just let life roll. If we're meant to be friends we'll be friends. And it's a two way street. Augh. Whatever. I don't have a point. Maybe someday I'll re-edit again with something that does make sense. Here. If you're evaluating whether or not you know me and ticking off a list of things you know about me....you probably don't get it. I find that the people I know the best are those that I don't even have to think about if I know enough about them. Sometimes I don't know their parents' names, how many siblings they have, or even when their birthday is....but I get who they are and we can relate. That's what matters. Sharing life....not completing a list of facts.

bubbles

Okay, I'm supposed to be studying. Well, rather, I WAS studying, at Caribou even, but now, I'm blogging.

First, you know you've had too much caffeine when it seems as though the whole world is moving in fast-forward. I just want it all to slow down! Warp speed....ahhh....why won't everything stop spinning! I almost won a Cities 97 Sampler CD, but then TMobile decided I'd been listening to the phone ring for too long. Stupid TMobile. Yet another reason I can't wait to cancel service.

Okay. So, I was at Caribou. Calmly (in caffeinated warp-speed) studying without any interruption or distraction from people around me (who tend to have loud conversations that I can't help listening to...but today they all spoke non-english, so that helped), UNTIL two kids who must be in college sat down a table away from me. First, the guy is LOUD. Like, obnoxiously loud. First comment (in super loud, i must think i'm at a rock concert, voice), "I can't ever let my red-neck friends know I went to a Caribou". Oh super, think I, this must be a first date. And possibly it was....I'm not sure...it was awkward comforableness? Odd. Either way, the guy launches into a recap of his first semester at college..."i played football and made some friends, not my best friends, but you know, it was hard going to a school where I didn't know anyone, but then i figured out who i was, blah, blah, blah"....I look over at the girl and she's extremely interested...in her coffee cup. So then he launches into how it was weird that they prayed at the beginning of every football practice and class and how they have chapel and how they get great speakers because thought they aren't the best academic school....they just really get great speakers. OH-kay. I'm tolerating it okay at this point because his volume inflection goes in and out....so i'm not having to listen to every word he's saying. Then, however, comes the comment that, combined with my extreme caffeinated state, sends me running for my car: "Yeah, it's a bubble, but I like being in a bubble." AHHHHHH. Complete acceptance of the fact that you're living in your own little world without regard to the fact that someday you'll have to rejoin society? Short-sighted.

Perhaps it was the caffeine that wouldn't allow me to continue to cram my brain full of Supply Chain principles before barfing out my difficulty with this kid's statement...but there you have it. Protective bubbles are great if it's a safe environment preparing you to be who you're going to be and equiping you to live in a world that isn't so nice....but enjoying a safe bubble with the sole reason being to enjoy the safe bubble....AUGH.

Okay, I'm pretty sure I'm going to come back and need to revamp this post after the caffeine-high wears off, but those are the thoughts of the moment. Seriously, I think i should never again order a medium size light roast....i should just stick to my typical small. Time to STUDY!

pulling out my hair

my system is moving amazing slow. like, i'm not sure it's possible for it to go any slower. As of 2:07pm, i've been waiting 28 minutes for it to process my work request.

The dilema - i have more work to do, but I can't complete it until this processes. I can't just leave this to process because it doesn't stick if I don't save it. So, i'm stuck sitting here at my desk, staring at a computer that doesn't SEEM to be doing anything.

I just want to go take my nap.

mumblings of men

Had an interesting conversation today with the woman who sits next to me at work. She commented that men typically concentrate more on the tone of what they're saying than on the words they are using. As an example, she told the story of a neighbor's son to whom she is a sort of aunt. My co-worker was walking down the hallway of the school and said hello to this student. The student's friend asked if he was rich...as he was telling to the story to my coworker, she asked why his friend would wonder such a thing. This neighbor's son/student replied that it was because of my coworker's "snooty little walk". !! Her point was that if a woman made such a comment, my coworker would be in an uproar, but for this student/guy, it was just the words he came up with to communicate that she walks confidently...and as he had no malicious intent in his tone, it came off as very nonchalant. Interesting, eh?

After thinking about it for awhile, I think agree, though. It's rare that guys are catty and mean on purpose...it's usually just a slip of verbage/wordage. Do we think it's a good thing? Should women work on this...i mean obviously the catty/bitchy/mean thing should go away....but is what we say really all about tone, or do we have a responsibility to word choice even if we've gotten to a point where it really IS all about tone? My co-worker commented that the interesting thing about this lack of thought behind word choice for men is that it's a nice suprise when a man is able to effectively communicate through words and not just tone.

Does this all just come under the catagory of "men and women are different"?

Happy Thanksgiving! Best out of office I've seen yet?
"I love Turkey. For this reason, I am out of the office. Please contact with all Channels emergencies. Thanks!"
Love!

DUI's

I was watching the saturday morning news on Kare 11 yesterday and they were talking about this news story they would be featuring during their Extra segment on the 10 o'clock news Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Apparently, the Ramsey County sherriff granted the news station complete access to first time DUI arrests. The Extra segment on Monday through Wednesday shows people taking the field sobriety test, blowing in the breathalizer, being arrested, and then their night in jail. The pieces they showed yesterday morning were really intense. The guy shown claimed to only have had two beers and passed the field test with no problem but then blew above the legal limit. They cuffed him.

So, tune in. It looks to be extremely interesting. They newscaster said that the interesting area were the people who couldn't do the field test to save their life and then blew under the legal limit...and the people who looked and acted stone-cold-sober but were twice the limit. I'm hoping to remember to record it.

(side note on the privacy issue that i first wondered about: apparently, because these individuals are being arrested on a public street, it's public information. And then, once in jail, you are not considered to have the right to privacy. Kare 11 said that there were some people who were extremely upset to be included in the segment and others who were very accomodating...I guess one guy even let them follow him around for the next several weeks as the effects of a DUI are more reaching than the initial arrest.)

What I saw yesterday (not even the full segment) reinforced my safety precautions to drive safe. Wow.

grocery shopping!

I just got back from grocery shopping. How much do I love grocery shopping? TONS! Especially with the self-checkout. Pretty much, I hated grocery shopping before those things were installed. Yeah, they pretty much make the experience amazing. Amazing.

Okay, i'm feeling a little cooky and crazy tonight. I think it's a good thing. :o)

But so, grocery shopping. That's the topic. Many memories with grocery shopping. We always used to go with our Mom and ride in the cart. Now that I think back, I'm not really sure how she actually shopped with all of us kids in the cart, but heck, it must have worked.

First memory: trying to understand the prices. Couldn't for the LIFE of me figure out how you knew if it was pennies or dollars (i think this was at the time they still used those cute little white stickers with the dollar sign and the cent sign....yeah, i'm old school). And even then, YES, even THEN - my little mind was acrobating throught the economics of pricing - why don't they price it lower I wondered....wouldn't they make more money because more people would buy it? But then again, less money, so there must be some type of balance between what the right price is and what the right number of people buying it is (yes, it appears, now that i think back, that i was destined to be a HUGE dork) (of course, it wasn't until i was probably in middle school that i figured out the whole "it's a quarter to" thing....i never understood how people understood what hour it was a quarter too!). Okay. Sorry.

Other memories. I semi-dated this guy the beginning of my sophomore year of college. I say semi-dated because we went out to food once, and then went grocery shopping all of the other "dates"....which isn't necessarly a bad thing if it was only like twice....but no, this was at least half a dozen times and only over the course of two months. AND, it was mainly to get these frosted sugar cookies that Rainbow sells....which he never shared with me! Obviously this relationship was doomed from the start, but still. Odd, don't you think (had one of those particular cookies a while after that whole fiasco...learned they actually taste quite gross...and might be filled with laxitives).

Ohhh, favorite? Using the quarry rainbow as my own personal vending machine. 4am on a wednesday and a few residents and I need some skittles or licorice? Off to rainbow! Those were some seriously fun times. AH. So good. :o)

Okay. There are probably more, but i need to finish my dishes and enjoying Frank Sinatra.
Question - what's up with this option for an updated blogger format? Any info to give me before i sign up??
yay :o)
-R

Drugs, Sex, and Rock & Roll

Okay, so that's not really my topic for the day, it was just fun to say. I've actually had several topics I've wanted to post, but they're all pretty involved and I haven't wanted to dedicate the time. So, seeing as I have an all day conference to attend tomorrow (that starts at 7am), but to which none of my co-workers are going, i figured this was the night.

First, MN to WI drivers and WI to MN drivers. There are some key rules of the road that might be good to know (so that I don't continue to tailgate you):
1. The left lane is for passing. If you are not going faster than the cars in the right lane, you should be over there with them - in the right lane. NEVER be in the left lane going the same speed as the right lane.
2. If you notice that you are indeed going faster than the people in the right lane but that someone (perhaps in a white honda) is gaining on you, move to the right lane so she can pass you. Please feel free to move back into the left lane once said driver has continued past you.
3. If you suddenly find that the person in front of you in the right lane has slowed much more than you find to be agreeable, by all means move into the left lane to pass said person. However, immediately after passing said slower car (or group of slower cars), move back into the right lane where you can continue on your much slower than the left lane pace.
4. Don't drive with your turn signal flashing when you have no intention of changing lanes.
5. Try to maintain a consisten speed (there are new fangled things called cruise control that can help with this) so that you're not slowing down your white honda friend and then turning around and tailgating this same friend a few minutes later.
6. Bottom line - don't annoy me.

Let's see, another topic. Voting. I hope you voted today. Just today I came up with an idea that I think is pretty dang good. Somehow we should enact a law that says if at least (i gave the example of 80%) of eligible voters don't get out to vote, then the results are declared invalid. Or, perhaps we should make it illegal to NOT vote. So much effort has gone into getting everyone the right to vote, that I think it's just ridiculous when people push it aside (for whatever reasons). And side note, don't ever let lack of information be your reason for not voting. We have this thing called the internet. Do some reasearch.

Semi-related to the above paragraph: I'm super annoyed by all the bias. Where in the world can one find UN-biased information in today's day and age? There might be the assumption that a city newspaper might provide some insight, but with the obvious slant in both major Mpls papers, I'm not going there for my info. Yeah, I tend to be more one party/side of the line than another, but that doesn't mean I want to be fed propaganda. I want clear information and no spin. Any ideas?

Other news....not sure. My house is still in progress. Election party tonight was great - yay watching the returns! I went to Madison last weekend and had so much fun - saw so many college friends, some middle school connections, mpls connections, it was great. Made me want to move there....the church we went to was super great too. Mmmm. Madison. :o)

Well, it's late, I'll post again soon. I'm always suprised/smiley when i find out people actually read this!
Oh, and go/poor bears.
love!
-R

girly and scared

So, I'm finding that I'm getting more and more girly as I get older. Has anyone noticed how windy it is tonight? It's for real freaking me out. It sounds like someone is breaking into my house and I'm totally scared.

I had other topics, but I can't remember anymore. To break with the girly-ness, I'd like to point out that I definitely called the Viking's loss tonight. Not that I was hoping for a loss - I just knew they probably would...c'mon, new england vs the vikes? Obviously the patriots.

I'm going to bed. This week is KILLER.

effects

I need to figure out how to not let people make me cry.

Any advice?

faith

I get this daily email, Fresh Manna, that's kind of like a daily devotional. Here's the verse for today:

Heb 6:10-12 “God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.”

When I read that verse, my head typically rushes straight to ideas of how to be a better christian, how to make my faith more evident to those around me, how to make sure that everything i do is for the kingdom, etc. I need to be diligent. I need to have huge plans and make sure that everything I do is going in the right direction. I feel like if I don't know the purpose and reason behind everything i do and everything that happens to me, then I must be off the path or headed in the wrong direction. But then the email slowed me down. The author tells a story about a guy who had great aspirations of ministering, but then the moment something in life went wrong, he freaked out and left his faith behind. The author says that it's all about the basics. We need to show we can be faithful in the little stuff - not just because it's the basics, but because it builds our foundation. How can we expect ourselves to demonstrate solid faith if we haven't been able to commit to having regular times with God? It was a good reminder to start with the little things, and then in time, we'll be entrusted with more.

The other related lesson the author wrote about was trusting that God has a plan for us, even if and when we can't see it. Here's the poem he quoted, which helped me wrap my mind around that blind trust. If i can't even unfold a rosebud without hurting it, why do I think i'm going to be able to unfold my life on my own?

Unfolding the Rosebud
It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
God opens this flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they fade and die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of every day.
I will look to him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

I thought it was a cool way of thinking of trust in God.

catching up

There's been a bit of a blogging break, eh? And so, multiple topics today...

First, "sharing" your neighbor's wireless internet. Here's a link: read the article Basically it says if you're using wireless internet you didn't sign up for, you're stealing. My thought...and this option is mentioned...there are ways to secure your wireless internet. If my neighbor determines it's not worth his time and/or effort to password protect his wireless internet, then he has decided to share with me. So, it's not stealing. If there wasn't a way to secure the wireless internet investment made, then absolutely, using the neighbor's wireless internet is stealing. But, there is a way....a very easy way. (Side note, if the neighbor was smart, he would put his phone number as the name or password on the wireless network so whoever wanted to use it could call him and he could charge them money. People could band together and get neighborhood internet...save a bunch of money, etc.)

This brings us to topic number two. I am not borrowing my neighbor's internet because it is doubtful if any of my neighbors even have home computers or the knowledge of how to use one. The reason for the break in blogging was the "fun" I had with my initial internet provider: Qwest. Bottom line - Qwest now has at least one Better Business bureau complaint filed against it for illegal sales practices and Comcast now has my business.

Third, I LEARNED HOW TO CONSISTENTLY OVERHAND SERVE tonight!!! AH! So much fun! AND I found a group of people always looking for subs on their volleyball team!!! SO PUMPED! You can not begin to imagine the light in my eyes and the smile on my face tonight. I was glowing. :o)

Fourth, the first trip with a boy (my engaged friend) was fun. We saw fenway park, boston commons, and the charles river. We also saw seven hours of chicago midway and lots and lots of crossword puzzles (luckily, crossword puzzles were my minor in college, so we completed a TON). Our friend whom we saw in boston is now a married man. A husband. My engaged friend gets married in November, and then that leaves me as the last of the college friend group to be single. Weird.

There was more, but it can wait.
Love to you all!
Madison visit on the radar and so excited!
-R

grey's anatomy

You knew it would happen at some point - a blog about grey's anatomy.
I just watched this past thursday's episode tonight.

First, just let me state that I LOVE this show. I've never had a show for this long. I watched the practice for maybe two seasons, the west wing for possibly just as long, and a myraid of other shows for one season or less. I just can't justify cancelling or turning down plans for TV. Until now (although i will use my VCR to allow for some flexibility in this). [as a side note, i will mention that i am extremely annoyed by the assumption - made by people who have tuned in for only a few episodes - that all of the sex is something i completely support and appreciate. bugger off people. seriously. seriously? seriously. it's not about that at all. and if you actually gave the fricken show a chance and were understanding towards people who live a different life than yourself, you might actually learn something and see the underlying themes. ahem. thank you.]

So yes. Grey's Anatomy = fabulousness. (mainly because I see me).

Anyway, tonight. The theme was fantasies, but the comment that struck me was about the pain. It's kinda related to fantasies in that we use fantasies as an attempt to escape our pain (and not necessarily all stereotypical fantasies is what was meant, but instead anything that isn't reality that we use to try and escape the pain).
***And so the question/comment was: Maybe it hurts for a reason.*** But here's the dilemma: Is it better to hang onto the fantasy (i know that's not the right answer) or embrace the pain but struggle with the fact that the reason for the pain may never be known? Maybe it's that the pain can be dealt with, but the lack of reason is what makes it harder?

f.r.i.e.n.d.s

i feel like rachel on friends.

but for some reason, i feel better. maybe it's because everything's back to complete honesty.

in other news, i'm headed to nebraska! i'll be on the lookout for my twin!
and, not related, GO TWINS! :o)

the lake house?

has anyone seen the lake house? i just watched it (my first redbox rental). I'm not sure if it's one of those movies i should watch again because i'll get more out of it, or if i should just leave it as a very odd, confusing, unrealistic movie. course i cried, but still. odd.

also watched the wedding date tonight. talked to a friend yesterday about it. made me wonder about boys/guys/men in general (in no way is this a reflection/commentary on my friend) - but are they all really that callous on the inside and some just hide it better than others? "you may wonder why your relationship isn't like the one in the movie, but we wonder why you can't look like debra messing."

In the past i've loved being "one of the guys". I lay out the fact that i'm not interested in dating anyone, i just want to be friends, that i like that guys aren't catty like girls - and for some reason they just open up. Or, the friends of a boyfriend - they assume that since you're with their friend they can be completely honest with you: they wouldn't ever date a girl with big hair, or a girl that has weird parents, or that they're not really into their current relationship but she's good for messing around, or etc. Are some just taught better than others what's okay to say and what's not? But even then, are they all like that inside but some are able to ignore it? Does it matter either way? Can one make broad generalizations for a gender? I guess i would resent that if someone did it to the female gender. There have just been several jaw-dropping comments as of late, and it's making me wonder. That's all. Not cynical, just wondering. thanks.

So anyway. If you read this and are of the praying type, can you please keep me in yours tomorrow (today i guess: wednesday) at 8pm cst. thanks.

sheer insanity

I've always thought it would be neat to be amish. I love reading books about the amish, imagining what it would be like - the horse drawn carriages, the simplicity, the old-time values and morals. From what I know, attention of any sort is not really preferred - so they've got to be having a rough time with this. I hope that their faith is the kind they can lean on in this. My prayers are with them. Execution style, without reason? How does one make sense of something like that?

Here's the question that's been bouncing around my head for a few days now - how does one go from slightly crazy to completely, over the line, all-out nuts? I think everybody is a little bit neurotic and crazy in their own way - but what happens to make that 'edge' of insanity full blown? What makes the craziness seem to make sense? Seem to be normal? Seem to be right? You know that with that kind of planning he certainly wasn't wondering if his line of thinking was rational any more. It just WAS. To him, he was most likely being extremely rational - or at least thinking that his behavior was a direct and equal reaction to what happened to him (what that is, no one is still 100% sure).

So, how does one get to that point? Is it that he kept everything bottled up for so long and never evaluated it? Is it that he kept mulling it over and mulling it over until it finally built up to something so catastrophic that it dictated this type of response? What makes a person just flip like that?

Of course what I'm getting at here is: What keeps any one of us from ending up like him someday? Is everyone prone to sheer insanity and we all are coping with it and keeping it restrained? Is the craziness something we all of a sudden gain one day?

If the completely irrational (as far as society's morals, norms, laws) seems rational at that point, what guarantee is there that what we think is rational right now in our heads actually is by societial standards?? If the standards we use to determine if we're rational is our own gage of it in our heads - how do we know we're not already crazy?

CATS

I hate cats. HATE. I hate hate hate HATE cats.

A cat has taken to living on my property. Last night it tried to come in my house while i was getting my mail....in fact, it put it's catty little head right where i was going to put my foot and made me scream at the top of my lungs. Today i came home and it was sitting on the exterior window sill on the front of my house. Wouldn't fall off when I banged on the window, either.

I HATE CATS. This one has a collar, a tag, and disappears for days at a time, so i think someone is just LETTING it roam the neighborhood. KEEP YOUR FRICKEN CAT IN YOUR HOUSE, freaks.

Food for thought/conversation

Okay, the fun thing lately is to start very odd conversations. Here are some ideas:

*When is it okay to date a crack dealer?
*If you're a teacher and dating a crack dealer, could you lose your job?
*Who owns your birth certificate?
*If a government official takes/loses your birth certificate, can you sue?
*Should pot roasts ever be pink when they are done cooking?
*Who should Meredith pick?


In important MN-topical news: Are you voting YES for the transportation amendment?
Go here for info: www.voteyesmn.org
Basics to know:
*The amendment makes sure that 100% of the money from motor vehicle sales tax goes to transportation.
*At least 40% of the money will be dedicated to public transit.
*It's a transitional plan over five years and will allocate an estimated $300 Million to better our transit systems
*IF YOU VOTE FOR GOVERNOR AND DON'T VOTE ON THE AMENDMENT, YOU'VE VOTED NO. (so if you go to the polls, but don't weigh in on the amendment, you voted no)

Ask me if you have ANY questions!

Fritos

i just ate half a bag of fritos. MMM fritos. :o)

Bears Win! :o)

Starting off a great season....we're 3-0. Yes, the first two teams were pretty soft, but we just beat the Vikes who had a tough start to the season. And did you see we actually had an offense??? YEah grossman...keep it up! Announcers were talking that the Bears could be a force to reckon with if grossman becomes a solid QB. So, we'll see how it goes...but for now, 3-0! :o)

Big news...Veggie Tales were on NBC today! I think it may be a regular thing as they are also advertised as an option for saturday morning cartoons! Look how far they've come!!! I watched about two seconds and it was definitley one i'd not seen. YEAH!

So, it was a big TV watching day..leave me alone...i napped too! Anyway, there was a commercial for that new show Hero's (or something like that...) and a comment caught my attention. Someone asked why we feel a need to understand miracles or unexplainable things....what drives that need to know? We talked in church today about which master we are serving. There are only two....and are we sure we've given the correct master the reins? So...what about this? Where does the need to know come from? I think it depends. Do we "need" to know because we're scared of the possibilities? Scared of what trusting the bigger picture/plan that God has for us and that's why we need to know? Do we feel more important because we have an understanding of something that's not widely understood? Does it give us meaning? Purpose? Pride?

I'm not saying it's terrible, I just thought it was an interesting thought.

To do this week:
Feed My Starving Children on Tuesday, 8pm. Let me know if you want to come.
Bake lasagna.
Cook a pot roast.
Make signs for the library.
VB clinic!
Grey's Anatomy on Thursday! WOOHOO! :o)
Start a non-profit org.

I don't know why I made a list.
Today I got lights for my kitchen.
Time for bed.
G'night.

GA Eve

What. A. Day.

Traffic.
No togo coffee.
Few students.
"not liked"
Bad numbers.
"snippy"

Made some cupcakes. Watched some TV. Grey's Anatomy on tomorrow....SEVEN PM! (not 8pm...oops).
I need a VB team. NEED. Not want, NEED.

Interesting article - http://storefrontbacktalk.com/story/091606movie.php
"Perplexing popcorn payment problem" (amazing alliteration, eh?) - but seriously. What is the future of the movie theatre as we know it? As I was reading the article, I pondered - would I really want an experiencial movie theatre? It brings to mind visions of that feature at Walt Disney World - i don't know what the film is now, but when i went it was Honey I shrunk the Kids and you had the mice tails near your ankles and the wind and the smell and the etc. I don't like that. I don't necessarily want to be cold when the characters are cold, or wet when they're wet, or whatever. I'd be willing to pay more to NOT have that happen thank you very much. The draw for me is that it's something outside of your house to do with people that isn't necessarily high in energy. I'll go to a movie when i want to see a friend but we're not really up to dishing life with each other for two hours over coffee. To some extent it's the nice, "i need to see you so we keep the friendship moving along but i don't necessarily have anything to share and we're not really merging friend groups or we've done the hang out over coffee/beer so much that it'll just be nice to be next to each other and not have to engage" thing. Is that the total 21st-century, digital, anti-social behavior/viewpoint? So what if it is. Am I totally off base?

I read a different article recently about the dropping price in LCD/hi-def/flat panel TVs because of the grown interest in the home theatre. It seems the consensus in Best Buy type stores/vendors/take on customers is that people aren't as in to going to the movie theatre and would prefer to stay in and view the picture. Maybe. The whole claim of the above article was that just as music can be downloaded for free/cheap, so will new movies soon be available in formats other than the traditional movie theatre upon first release. Do I care? I don't necessarily HAVE to see a move in the theatre to enjoy it - again, it's all about another "event" option.

Or, to look at it all from a different angle, am I just completely off base as I'm totally not a popcorn at the movies girl? I don't know if I've ever gotten popcorn at the movies....and extend it to concessions in general....only when the guy insists (so cute)! So maybe I've totally missed the boat - any thoughts on this one?

Last.
*You're invited to my house, tomorrow, for Grey's Anatomy Season Premiere. SEVEN pm. Call me for directions.
*Also - do you, or anyone you know in the twin cities area, play volleyball at an intermediate level and are you (or your other vb-loving friends) available to play wednesday nights from mid-october to mid-march? Seriously call me - i might go crazy without at least one team)
*I need a grand gesture. Any suggestions?
*Prayer for the "__".

Love.
-R(as in totally Random tonight)

Art or life?

Question of the day at work - Is advertising inspired by life, or is life inspired by advertising?

Interesting. It's simmering. Perhaps there will be thoughts later.

Question of the day at not-work - Why are people so vindictive about things not related to them?

Interesting. It's been simmering. Thoughts now: There is a certain group of people who, if they read this might identify themselves (hopefully), as people reacting to a situtation that involved a friend of theirs. This group of people was never involved in said situation except as distant, stand-offish, judgemental, third-party observers who attempted to share many opinions that were disconnected and off-base as they were "referece above description of involvement". Because of their friend's reaction in and to the situation,and their previously conceived notions of the other related party (me), there is now a divide of sorts that is being established. I, although not the victim by any means, am seen as a certain sort of person by this group and as such, am being shunned. Ditched. Dumped. Excluded. It's lovely. May I just state that not one of these individuals (nor anyone but their friend and myself) knows the exact situation. And as they are not privy to all facts and related information, they should fricken mind their own fricken business and go back to being nice people!

Other questions -
*Do I like the new shoes I got today?
*Where do 2nd to 5th graders come up with such good questions like wondering what would have happened in Adam hadn't eaten the "apple"?
*If I'm experiencing this quote (Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. - Ogden Nash, American Poet) at age 24....does that mean my life is half over?
*Is it weird that my first vacation with a boy is with my friend who's engaged?

In case you were wondering, Grey's Anatomy is the best show ever. No matter how crappy life seems, they always have it worse. A boyfriend with a wife? Being dumped by the guy who got you pregnant? STDs? Not even picking a dog that's good for you? Killing someone? It could always be worse, couldn't it.

We do get fall here, right? All the colorful trees in the autumny sunshine? I sure hope so.

Radical Secularism?

I'm on a prayer/praise distribution list at work and received an email last week requesting praise "that a name for a key force in opposition to people of any faith, especially Christian faith, has been identified: Radical Secularism" and prayer that "we would have true Godly and Biblical wisdom, individually and collectively, to share the Truth in love as a response". The email then referenced this "article", http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2006/aug/06081102.html

I'm not really sure how I feel about this. This: The whole email including the praise/prayer request and the article. The website. Radical Secularism.

I was listening to KTIS, and only KTIS, for about three weeks straight this past month. It was tied with my whole "not drinking/evaluating who I am" thing in an attempt to focus completely and wholly on my faith. After about three days though, I was hit with the same thought I got a lot in crusade, or youth group, or the Christian bookstore workplace - is it propaganda? So many of the "news" stories centered on religious "stuff" - this school was banning the Ten Commandments, this teacher got suspended for praying at school, this church had a problem with one of it's pastor's, the war is a sign that the end times is coming, the fight in Israel lines up with this particular Bible passage, etc etc etc. For three weeks I thought the big news stories all had to do with faith/religion/church. The message was clear - our world is heading down the tubes.

So, what?
Is our Christian sub-culture that we've created to keep us in touch with God actually keeping us out of touch with where God wants us?
When we're so focused on the religious news (that yes, is important), are we missing the actual hot topics of our day that might be of more interest to those around us?
Are we focusing more on tomorrow than we are on today? The present?

We're called to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worry of it's own, but to live in today.

So. Radical Secularism? C'mon people. Anybody remember Sodom and Gomorah?? We're talking angels getting hit on for random, one-night stand orgies. How often does anyone of us, or anyone you know, or anyone you work with, or anyone you've ever even ridden a bus with, visit a city and not be able to make it through the town square without an escort because there's a reality that if they're alone they'll be gang raped? How often? That was an every day reality in Sodom. So is our world getting worse? Are we really more sinful than we were at the beginning? NO. Sin is sin is sin. Maybe people are more creative now. Or maybe, we have this new thing called the internet, a relatively new thing called TV, and a little less new thing called radio that is calling our attention to the violence, the murders, the rapes, the realities of war and it SEEMS as though the world is getting worse.

Now you're asking what exactly my point is or my opinion or what the heck I'm trying to say. I guess I just get worried that we get so caught up in improving our Christian sub-culture, understanding of "how we're in the end times", and making sure that we label everything right (radical secularism, rampant oversexuality, growing sin rate, etc), that we miss the point. Yeah, it's important to know what our situation is. But people, it hasn't changed. We're called to love, not to judge. Live in the space you've been given. Love in the space you've been given. Radical secularism? Woop-de-doo. "They" put a name on what we're facing.

News flash: Radical secularism is just a fancy name for The World. Or, in keeping with our overly-dramatic sub-culture, the realm under rule of Satan.

Bottom line. I don't have anything against KTIS. Or Christian websites. Or Christian news programs. Etc. Etc. Etc. I just want us to use the same filter we're hopefully using on everything else in the world. There's a lot of news slant out there, and just because the organization is Christian, or religious, or claiming to be one of those, doesn't mean we should just swallow whatever they say without scrutiny. Just for irony, I'll pull in an end times reference and mention that we're supposed to be watching for wolves in sheep clothing. Too often, I don't see that happening. So, be diligent, do your duty: be a sieve, not a sponge.

unsent mail

I was going to keep this blog very blase, very non-personal, very opinion only, if you will. I can't. But I will keep this to a short post.

I have a stack of mail I haven't sent. I can claim it's my current inability to find my stamps and my stubbornness to purchase more when I know I have at least 10 dollars worth of stamps in a box somewhere, but mainly it should be attributed to my current state of apathy - or more correctly put - my feeling of inability to impact anything. There are a lot of situations in my life that are "broken". I feel like I could fix them all if I could just be heard. But it won't work. I could send the mail which would be an attempt to get through, but I know it won't change a thing. It will be perused and then tossed. I could send out millions of cards and letters into the world, but it won't fix the friendships, the relationships, the work situations, the lack of meaning in all that I do. And so, the stack of unsent mail continues to grow.

Is this a stage in life...a search for meaning? Is this the proverbial, over-played, totally lame claim of a quarter-life crisis? Don't get me wrong - I know the meaning of life (a rather bold statement, I know, but I am solidly confident). But sometimes all of the other stuff of earth gets in the way. It claims utter importance, makes me feel lost, unimportant, un-impactful, and wandering around looking for home. The feeling of wanting to go home is one that's haunted me since freshman year of college - not home in the sense of my parent's house, but Home: Where there are no problems, life is easy, there's nothing to worry about, you're loved unconditionally, you belong. Maybe what I really mean is that I want to be twelve again. Or eight. Or five. Is that what Jesus meant when He called us to have faith like a child?

Birthdays

I was thinking today about birthdays because my Real Simple magazine was giving recommendations on ways to make memories with your family. I know I complain about how strict my childhood was, but I really was blessed. I have many fabulous memories of fun, special times with my family.

There were so many things my parents did to make birthdays special! I was homeschooled through third grade, and each year on our birthday, my Mom would give us the day off from school. We would go to a museum or get to play outside all day or do special projects - something to make the day extra-ordinary. Also, on our birthday, my Dad would wake us up early and take us to McDonald's: just the birthday girl/boy and my Dad. We hardly ever went to McDonald's and we would hardly ever get our Dad to ourselves (there were four of us) - so it was a huge treat. Something we continue to this day is that the birthday person gets to pick what we have for dinner and the type of cake my Mom makes. The birthday person sits at the head of the table and eats off of the "You are Special" red plate (I think it's a blue "celebrate" plate now since the movers broke the red one on the way from Madison).

My most distinct birthday memory was when I turned ten. I think it was one of the last times my Dad did the birthday breakfast at McDonald's (I would get the hotcakes - no sausage - every year...it really meant I'd grown up when I could finish all three). We were sitting at one of the tables, my dad was on the booth side, I was on the swivel-chair side, and my Dad was talking about how grown-up I was getting. I was super excited because it was the first year I was in double digits. He said that there were two different presents that Mom and he had decided I was old enough to have this year. First, because I was growing up, I wouldn't be spanked any longer and would instead be grounded if I misbehaved (doesn't sound like a positive since it was dealing with punishment - but you have no idea how great it was) AND I didn't have to drink milk with dinner any more! The orange glass filled with milk each night at dinner was the bane of my existence and made me dread dinner-time each day, so to not have to deal with that pretty much made the next eight years of my life the best ever.

The other birthday related memory my parents created was also really neat. I prayed to accept Christ as my Savior on May 31, 1985 (a night I still can clearly remember). Each year my family would not only celebrate our birth-birthdays, we would also celebrate our spiritual birthdays. We would have a special dinner and visit Vine and Branches to pick out a book or cassette tape for our spiritual birthday present. I was collecting these book and tape combos where you would listen to the tape and turn the page when you heard the beep (I wonder were those are now!). Each one was a different Bible story. Not only was the birthday celebration a great reminder of the decision I'd made, it also made me evaluate if I was growing in my faith as my birthdays were counting that I was getting older in my faith.

I feel extremely loved when I think back on birthdays and other memories in which my parents really went out of their way to make my childhood special...but I also feel nervous that I won't be able to make the same impression on my kids someday. My parents were amazing and I wonder how they came up with all the different things they did....was there a book or a class or something? They really put a lot of thought into how our family worked and I guess I am just realizing that all of my memories weren't an accident but were planned with meaning, intention, and foresight. That's pretty cool.

So yeah, birthdays, family memories, traditions....maybe I should start a list of stuff I'd like to do with my kids someday....

Twin Shout-out

First, to clarify, this is not a post about the Minnesota Twins. Indeed, they won tonight, but so did the Sox (go Chicago!!!). :o)

Instead, my friend Erinn's latest blog entry referenced the suprising number of questions she receives about if she's related to someone/an old friend/looks just like so-and-so - her unrelated, unknown, Twin(s). I too, oft receive the questions of "don't i know you?" or "are you related to so-and-so?" or "did you know you look exactly like ?" This line of conversation, however, brought to mind a related situation I encountered on my first trip to Lincoln, Nebraska.

I was visiting my friend Mariah one summer during college - in fact, it was the summer after graduation...my last months of freedom - in her hometown of Lincoln. We'd spent hours catching up and touring her old haunts - high school, camp, paint your plate, etc - when we decided we should also spend some time shopping. We headed down to the mall area - a newer conglomeration of stores - and first stopped at Journey's, the shoe store. We were perusing the merchandise when I spied a cute pair of shoes that were, unfortunately, unpriced. The store clerk, having just listened to my question about the price of said shoes, looked at me and said, "oh honey, we don't have those in your size." Now, one might jump to the conclusion that I must either have an extremely large or an extremely small pair of feet - however, they are a rather common size eight. I gave him a strange look and apologized questioningly, "I'm sorrry?" He replied, "Oh, you're in here all the time and I know we don't have those in your size." What?! Stunned, my only reply could be, "I'm sorry, this is my first time in Nebraska....I've never been here before!" Crazy! The shoe store guy, Mariah, and I all had a good laugh and we headed on our way.

Next stop, Banana Republic. After spending a solid amount of time rifling through sale item after sale item, I settled on a cute pair of pale pink capri's (yes, I am girly, it's a good thing). Proceeding with check out, I got out my card and prepared to pay - partially prepared for the obligatory "Would you like to use your Banana Republic card and save 15% today?" Instead, however, I was greeted with: "Hello! How are you? You know, for as often as you shop in here, you should really open a Banana Republic card!" Startled, I exclaimed that I'd never been to Nebraska before and certainly not to this store but that I'd just encountered a similar remark down the street at Journey's! The clerk laughed and said that I looked exactly like another woman who regularly shopped there!

So, not only do I apparently carry a striking resemblance to quite a number of women in our country, I also have a shop-a-holic twin running around Nebraska! The even funnier thing is that my mother had a similar experience in college and actually ended up meeting her twin - who really did look just like her!

I wonder if the science community conducts studies about things like this....are there facial characteristics that lend themselves to a sort of perceived duplication? Is it physical or is it more carriage and personality quirks? Do some people have several non-related twins while other have none at all?

Kickin' it off....

I've been itching to start a real blog for awhile, and now with my house wired for the 21st century (today I got internet!), I am able to do so without "wasting company time." Woohoo! :o) I've had my share of internet blogging sites - more in the format of online journals (and who really cares to read about the trite, sad, details of my semi-(okay, very) pathetic life...no one) - but this is my first foray into "serious" blogging. Are you super excited?! I know I am!

To further your opinion of my "still living in college" mindset - I'd like to make a reference to facebook and a plug for the removal of that ridiculous "live feed" feature that highlights the fact that I really do "waste company time"...thanks, facebook. So, sign the petition (http://www.petitiononline.com/faceb00k/petition.html), join the group (Students against Facebook News Feed (Official Petition to Facebook)), and if live feed is still a "feature" - boycott on September 12.

Okay, enough of the juvenile delinquency. Let's get down to business. Today I'd like to start with the topic of grammar. I know, I know. "Our generation has no regard for grammar or spelling." "We've maligned the English language with our texting and emailing." Blah, blah, blah.

No, what I'd like to discuss is the issue of all the other generations (i.e. the baby boomers, generation X, whatever the other older people are, etc) who are in management, supervisory, paid-way-more-than-me positions and who can't tell the difference between they're, there, and their! Insure vs ensure! Later vs latter! The proverbial whether vs weather, affect vs effect, ben vs been! I mean, c'mon people! These are standard rules of the English road! I understand a slip-up every now and then in an email - especially in just out of college, low profile, low-key, peon type of positions. But to see this in management?? Really? Does proofing an important presentation really take that much time? Does getting the message out really supersede your interest in not looking like a moron?? I'm not even touching on the poor punctuation, passive sentences (of which I am sure I've written several even in this post), sentences ending in prepositions, fragments, run-ons, etc that I see on a regular basis. Perhaps you would say I have high expectations - and yes, I do! But are they too high?? I would say, No. If you've been able to climb the coporate ladder, one would hope one of the necessary skills to make it to the top is an ability to communicate. Is it wrong to hope that the individuals affecting (see how I used it?) my company's profitablity can successfully navigate the English language?

My hope is that high paying management positions are free for my taking if this is an example of the standard (or lack of standard) to which we are held! Coporate power, here I come!