Okay, so my anonymous commenter labeled me as emotional, something this blog isn't supposed to be. Bottom line, I just get tired of people. Maybe I should have labeled the entry something about blame and responsibility. If you feel like someone isn't being real with you, why is it always not your fault. I tend to go too far in the direction of taking responsibility for everything....hmmm, that person and I don't get along...what do I need to change about me to fix that.
I guess, assumptions/labels/easy stop points of evaluation just drain me. For real, sit back, it's all been done before. Be real, be honest, be open, be love. And if everyone did that, no one would have to try and be careful about who they share life with so they don't get hurt.
One of the comments on this post said something about liking not being understood. I love being understood and I have a great group of people who absolutely get who I am....i get more frustrated when people take a few facts and assume they know me....and then find out that they don't...and get upset. Just let life roll. If we're meant to be friends we'll be friends. And it's a two way street. Augh. Whatever. I don't have a point. Maybe someday I'll re-edit again with something that does make sense. Here. If you're evaluating whether or not you know me and ticking off a list of things you know about me....you probably don't get it. I find that the people I know the best are those that I don't even have to think about if I know enough about them. Sometimes I don't know their parents' names, how many siblings they have, or even when their birthday is....but I get who they are and we can relate. That's what matters. Sharing life....not completing a list of facts.
6 comments:
I think you, just like me, want to keep your inner thoughts and reasons to yourself. However - I could be wrong. :)
I feel uncomfortable with the thought that a person could understand me and predict my actions. I like my social randomness as it provides me a veil of anonymity when I don't want to explain why I do certain things. At the same time, it provides me the chance to do things that are unexpected and truly surprise people.
I think it's proper for one to demand a certain true interest out of others they interact with. But that doesn't mean they have to open up to you. Automatic answers/questions are just as fulfilling as they are long. There's nothing more infuriating to me than "small talk" that people consider a "conversation". Most of the time, I feel its forced. Sometimes, it seems people ask you what you did that weekend to ensure they do not have to speak themselves.
I've stopped watching people's faces when I'm having a conversation. Not because I'm disinterested, but I've started listening more intently to the substance of people's answers/questions and their tone of voice. The visuals sometimes distract me from what is truly being said in the conversation.
I don't like to place people in categories unless they are just as superficial as they act/seem (which are few and far between, but do exist). Maybe it's sad and wrong, but I view people as a walking, talking list of facts to remember. Everyone has their own little quirks and mannerisms.
Today, at lunch, I had someone say to me "I don't know you." It may have been in jest, but at the same time, I think it's one of the greatest compliments I can receive.
If it makes you feel any better, I don't have you pegged in a box (certainly not the Sorority Girl one). You're in a class all your own.
I'll try to only write pithy statements... If there are any points for some odd reason you want me to elaborate on, I'd be happy to do so. :-)
1) Assumptions are ok and I would argue essential; if they're right. However, like you mentioned, there is a "confirmation bias" problem with all human relationships; that you see what you expect to see. Insert anecdotes here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
2) In my personal history, similar to your own, I've had a lot of struggles like you describe. In my own words, it's a struggle to be who I am and not match other's expectations of me. Overall however, I feel that I have over compensated -- that I attempted to become my antithesis in order to break those expectations. The problem all along (I now believe) was that I was struggling with self-pity -- I wanted to believe that I was unique and not understandable and that therefore my misery/depression was rational. My own confirmation bias ensued, resulting in my having spoken/done many things I now regret.
3) You have to apply effort to break out of the "confirmation bias" cycle e.g. really get involved in someone's life, and in general people are unwilling to do that unless there's potential profit. It's far easier to stay on the surface -- and I think it's dangerous to be critical of people who appear to be "shallow" or forced in their relationships. Perhaps they are injured.
It occurs to me that this is a common theme in many movies. So maybe I've brought nothing new to the table. Hmm... this is interesting -- a girl making an emotional statement, and a bunch of guys trying to demonstrate that they're sensitive! In context, I think it's only appropriate I leave this "comment" as anonymous. You don't know me anyway.
:-D
that person and I don't get along
It's hard to be sure you're on the same page when talking about these types of things over the internet.
'Emotional' was the wrong word. I think 'honest' or 'sincere' would have carried more of the meaning I intended, although that sentence was meant to be funny... And I didn't mean to imply that the things I described about myself necessarily apply to you as well. I only mentioned them because a perspective (even if different) might help your contemplations.
I suppose I should ask the important question -- are posts like these that I've left helpful, appreciated, welcomed, etc? Sometimes people just like to open themselves up but aren't looking for analysis. Others, like myself, thrive on critique.
Dear Anonymous - no, i like the insight...i was just trying to clarify because it was a rather emotional rant, so it was good to hear that...and yeah, I caught the humor. :o) I feel like I don't really know how to say what i'm struggling with on this topic, or that i even have clear thoughts on it....it's just something that comes up every so often. And i wish i could put words behind it. Something my pastor said this morning kinda related in that it's not the same thing to know about Jesus as it is to know Jesus...and I think it's people not recognizing that difference that bothers me?
But yeah, so anyway...keep the posts coming, but do i really not know you? I can't think of anyone I know in Dallas....but I could just be forgetful. :o) I like the perspective.
My choice to post an anonymous was mostly because somehow it felt appropriate to the topic. Not like there is such a thing as internet anonymity anyway, although IP lookup on telecom addresses doesn't always gives you the correct city.
Here is a quote that I just randomly remembered, it might be related to what you're trying to describe. If I were to relate this quote to "knowing Jesus" I would say that it is easy to become used to or comfortable with something without realizing that we don't actually understand. It's from Lilith by George MacDonald:
"I am sorry I cannot explain the thing to you," he answered; "but there is no provision in you for understanding it. Not merely, therefore, is the phenomenon inexplicable to you, but the very nature of it is inapprehensible by you. Indeed I but partially apprehend it myself. At the same time you are constantly experiencing things which you not only do not, but cannot understand. You think you understand them, but your understanding of them is only your being used to them, and therefore not surprised at them. You accept them, not because you understand them, but because you must accept them: they are there, and have unavoidable relations with you! The fact is, no man understands anything; when he knows he does not understand, that is his first tottering step--not toward understanding, but toward the capability of one day understanding. To such things as these you are not used, therefore you do not fancy you understand them. Neither I nor any man can here help you to understand; but I may, perhaps, help you a little to believe!"
Bekah, just catching up. Whoah. I missed a ton!
I love you. Don't change. Period.
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